There have been some crazy cool things that my body experienced this week during bikram practice. Last Tuesday, in final savasana, I felt a vibration going up and down my body. The feeling was more like little zings akin to a taught guitar string being plucked. The zings happened first in my hands. Then at my elbows, shoulders, chest, stomach, legs, feet. Kinda cool.
And then there was last night’s class. Whoa. Remember how I posted an article earlier about yoga making you horny? Before you get your mind in the gutter, this post is not about my getting horny last night. When I read first read that article, I asked myself how it is possible to feel moments of ecstasy when all I feel during my practice is the opposite?
But something cool and yes, admittedly kinda freaky (I’m not gonna be all zen about it and lie) happened during camel. In the first set, I got into it fine and by the middle of it, I started getting nauseous. I kept my breathing steady and my pinpoint focus. Thankfully, my teacher called out “change” and I quickly went into savasana and just kept breathing, allowing my queasy feelings to go. I forced myself to do a sit up and as I set up for second set, the wave of nausea hit me again and my teacher’s voice sounded distant. My mind panicked and screamed, “You’re going to faint!” I looked straight into my eyes in the mirror and remembered what my teacher once told me, “Your mind will quit before your body will.” As I finished this thought and searched for my strength somewhere deep inside, my teacher said, “I want all of us to commit to staying in this posture the whole time. If you come out early, I guarantee you are not getting 100% of the emotional benefits.”
Somehow, that was exactly what I needed to hear. Emotional benefits? Reaping 100% of them? Yes, sign me up please! And besides, this bout of nausea during camel came last week with the same teacher and when I just knelt with my hands at the back of my hips in second set, she called me out! I definitely didn’t want her calling me out this week.
Despite the nausea and a fear of fainting, I set my hands to the back of my hips, pushed them forward and tilted my head back. I hit my wall but I forced myself to push, push, push past the nausea with my mantra, “BREATHE.” I saw the ceiling…where the ceiling met the wall…where the wall met the floor…and then the front of someone’s mat in the third row. I was in the middle of whatever it was. Suddenly, I felt as if someone stabbed me in my pubic bone and then heat was radiating out of that point. As my mind screamed “BREATHE!!!!!” the heat kept coming. When I came out of it, the heat stopped and I was completely spent.
Hmmm…interesting. During my practice, when I need to find my pinpoint focus, I look to my belly button not to the spot between my two eyes. The navel, or the piko according to Hawaiians, is the center. It connects us to the source of life.
Without going into terribly boring details, all my life growing up bicultural, I never felt rooted. I always felt like a drifter with one foot in Filipino culture and the other foot in American culture. Two years ago, The Healer said that I needed to go back to the Philippines and feel the place of my birth with my bare feet. I heeded his advice and it was a beautiful trip. I brought my husband and introduced him to all those who I loved and loved me. They loved him. My family treated me differently, as if I had credibility now as a married woman. And most importantly, it allowed my dad and I to show affection to each other. In the last two months, MoJo and I have discussed buying a home and we are currently house hunting. This self-proclaimed nomad want to put down roots.